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Was sent this email at work on Thursday or Friday. It's about how to… - Jumping into the Void

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December 12th, 2004


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07:54 pm
Was sent this email at work on Thursday or Friday. It's about how to plan your attack at holiday parties. It's pretty humorous, but the main reason I'm posting it is for the motto at the end. That's how I see my Gods wanting me to live. Not that I've done much, but it's a good thought.


1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
tableknows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,
leaveimmediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.


2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch.
Youcan't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
thathas 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn
intoan eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
Havetwo. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!


3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy.Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your
mashedpotatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.


4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk
orwhole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
carwith an automatic transmission.


5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
youreating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?


6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's.You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is
thetime for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
whilecarrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.


7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frostedChristmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself
nearthem and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the
center ofattention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind,you're never going to see them again.


8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or,
ifyou don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?


9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatorycelebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards.Really, MY fruitcake is delicious!!


10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
orget up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.


Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.


Remember this motto to live by :
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arrivingsafely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, chocolate in one hand, Crown Royal in the other, body
thoroughlyused up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!


Had a relaxing Saturday. Played Neverwinter Nights, and went to the Guys. I'll have to post a picture of what the Guys look like. Let's see
My fraternal twin brother is in the center with the kilt. This was taken at my wedding. We've known Johnny since we were five and he is referred to as our "triplet."

Sunday, played more Neverwinter Nights and went shopping with Liz. We got Chinese food for home afterwards as we were too tired to cook anything. I got a treat at the store. Pepperidge Farms Chocolate Hazelnut Pirouettes. They are delicious. I also got beef jerky, a dip for pretzels, and a big Hersey bar. Mmmmm... chocolate!
Current Mood: goodgood
Current Music: purring

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